I was sitting next to N on the couch. Lately we have spent way too much time together. Definitey an abnormally huge amount of time. So much so that I now know how old married couples feel, when they sit next to their wives/husbands and have no desire to go near them or say anything that all. Now believe me, I never wanted to be that couple. And then N was doing that trait he has...That thing he does. That I used to find sort of cute. But now I find it...well...urr....annoying.
Then I saw this article on-line...More on this tomorrow:
The 7-year itch is now the 3-year glitch
5:19 pm ET March 14
LONDON (Reuters) – The "three-year glitch" has replaced the "seven-year itch" as the tipping point where couples start to take each other for granted, according to a new survey.
Weight gain, stinginess, toe-nail clippings on the bathroom floor and snoring are a few of the passion-killers that have led to a swifter decline in relationships in the fast-paced 21st century, said the study commissioned by Warner Brothers to promote the release of comedy film "Hall Pass" in UK cinemas.
The survey of 2,000 British adults in steady relationships pinpointed the 36-month mark as the time when relationship stress levels peak and points to a new trend of "pink passes" and "solo" holidays away from partners and spouses that many Britons resort to in order to keep romance alive.
"Longer working hours combined with money worries are clearly taking their toll on modern relationships and we are seeing an increasing trend for solo holidays and weekends away from marriages and relationships in order to revive the romantic spark," said pollster Judi James who oversaw the survey.
The poll compared feedback from those in short-term relationships (defined as less than three years) and people who were married or in longer-term partnerships.
The findings showed that 67 percent of all of those surveyed said that small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing during the first flushes of love often expand into major irritations around 36 months.
More than half of the Brits surveyed (52 percent) who were in younger relationships said they enjoyed sexual relations at least three times a week, compared to just 16 percent of those in relationships older than three years.
This suggests that as we get older together, romance gives way to day to day practicalities, supported by the fact that 55 percent of busy people in longer-term relationships admit that they now have to "schedule" their romantic time.
The report also said that those in the first flush of love can look forward to an average of three compliments a week from their partners - a figure which falls to an average of a single weekly compliment at the three-year high tide mark.
The prognosis gets worse the longer we stay in relationships, three in 10 of those surveyed that have been in a relationship for five years or more said that they never receive any compliments from their partners.
The findings also showed that more than three quarters (76 percent) of all people surveyed responded that "individual space was important" within a relationship and pointed to a rise of individual activities.
A third (34%) of those who have been seeing their partners for longer than three years have at least two evenings a month defined as a "pass" or a "ticket" where it is accepted that they can pursue their own interests and 58 percent of the same sample group enjoy regular holidays without their partners.
The top 10 everyday niggles and passion-killers: 1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 percent; 2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 percent; 3. Anti-social working hours, 10 percent; 4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 percent; 5. In-Laws/extended family - too much/too little, 9 percent; 6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8 percent; 7. Alcohol - drinking too much, 7 percent; 8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits, 6 percent; 9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 percent; 10. Bathroom habits - Stray nail cuttings etc., 4 percent.
TCG: Stray nail cuttings. Haven't seen that one yet, but good grief
I could imagine....
4 comments:
I think that the most challenging part of a relationship is how both parties handle this unavoidable evolution. If you put too much emphasis on sex and excitement, you'll be disappointed. If you can savor the pure comfort of being able to be happily silent with your partner and enjoy cuddling, it's much easier, especially when both of you make an effort to behave as if you are courting - if you were trying to attract that person you'd get in shape, stay clean/in fashion, keep the house neat.
In other words, these things are like relationship gravity - it's part of what happens - but you can both make an effort to overcome it if the relationship and partner mean enough to you. I think that too often, marriage locks you in with someone who believes you can't/won't leave when they let themselves go and until you're certain how your partner will fight this (and that you will find your partner equally worth fighting it for), you should avoid marriage.
I was just having this convo with a girlfriend over the weekend. Isn't "hard" for me to make girl-time anymore. I actually don't mind leaving TEN to his own devices at all. And that worries me. Because it didn't used to be like that.
Hmmm....
Does comfortable = boring?
Well, if bored, change things. Plan a weekend away or take a few days for yourself.
One of the most annoying things I hear from friends is that they bored, but expect the partner to plan something. When their partner plans something, it never lives up to their expectations.
So, plan something - try something new together.
ha ha ha this made me chuckle. it certainly is a challenge keeping the flame alive and yet there is something comforting knowing that someone is there and you can get "bored" of them. i'd rather be bored than alone and i'll stick to that. ;)
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