My mind was racing last night with a flurry of bad date memories. I lost track at about the count of 40 dates and realize I need to stop this insanity soon.
A few years ago I was fed up with all the jerks I was dating (yeah, kinda like now). and called up my guy friend. I told him, "I just want a guy who cares".
I specifically remember his reply: "Caring is easy, you're picking all wrong". And perhaps I was.
After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I can't stick to my usual type. I need to stop the madness.
As a wonderful reader suggested, I will use a mental checklist to weed out the losers/jerks/players early on. So here goes...The new and improved checklist to help figure who to weed out after the first (or few) date.
Caring - good hearted
Great sense of humor
Honest
Genuine - Keeps his word - shows up when he says he will, follows through, etc.
Is a true gentleman type..very respectful, walks me home, etc.
Optimistic, positive type of guy (okay, most of the time..we all have our down times)
Thoughtful- does nice, little things and appreciates nice gestures as well
Ambitious
Athletic - loves outdoor activities; keeps a healthy lifestyle
Loves to travel
Loves his family and friends
Social - likes to do things with friends, not just with each other all the time
Handsome...would be nice.
and then all the negatives popped into my mind. Oh boy, here we go..
The deal-breakers:
Isn't a chronic texter when he could just pick up the phone to call
Isn't needy
Can't smoke or do drugs and doesn't drink a lot
Doesn't judge others - like myself who is unemployed
Doesn't complain a lot
Is not the controlling type
Isn't materialistic, doesn't boast/brag
I could go on with the negatives but will stop here. I have much less "wants" on my list, than the 40 "wants" on my original list. So how did I do? Improvement from the old list? A good list to find a NICE guy?? I'm less picky but still wondering if this guy actually exists in NYC. And that is my question of the day if anyone can answer. Does a truly caring guy under the age of 40 exist in this town?!
I know, I know...There must be some.
I will keep the hope. After all, I know nobody is perfect. But I still like to believe there is the perfect somebody out there for everyone.
16 comments:
Good luck with the list, my dear. I came up with a similar list of "my type." http://visithereoften.blogspot.com/2008/06/my-type.html
My Thinker meets all of them but two. He's not 6' and he's not 30. But he meets the important ones.
Great list and keep up the hope! There will be that "perfect" guy for you and they exist, no matter how discouraging it may seem love!
well this is more a realistic list as its in its updated from.
But for a min do you ever stop and wonder if this simple guy had come along when you were more for this and that type of guy and you had blown him off?
I hope you just don't make the list up, by try and stick it it,you alway will deviate a little which is expected.
open up your self to new things,ig you always wear the standard black grey and blue, get out with some pink, orange, and green, lol.
Wonderful check lists! I think having those lists is crucial. Once I wrote out my list I was sure to avoid the guys that were pretty, but problematic. Who knows if you will find someone who meets every qualification, but having them written down will most likely keep you on track :)
Let's try this again, 760px wide this time. http://i40.tinypic.com/35cn0o2.jpg
My philosophy has always been... if you stop looking...you'll find him.
He's probably been there all along you just never noticed. The nice guy you see at the coffee shop every morning but never say hi to. The guy that takes the same train as you do.
Chin up, you'll stumble over him eventually :)
Somebody you can have fun with and be yourself with. Somebody who can lip read. A lot of my dates have been talking over margueritas in a loud bar and I miss half of what is said. Then I pull out my ear horn and they leave. Thanks, I'll be here all week-try the veal. Seriously, my last band was pretty loud and men do listen, except the bit about Steve Madden, I tuned out.
I like your updated list...very similar to mine. And yes, there HAVE to be good guys in NYC. Just like there HAVE to be good guys in LA (where I live).
Right?
good list. you should definitely find a good guy with that list. just stick to it and good luck with that.
I think the list looks great. Hopefully it will help you steer clear from the jerks.
Hi TCG - you did good. Now we have something we can work with. You might want to consider adding, "is good with animals particularly dogs" :)
Miss Scorp- Thanks for the luck! Will check out your's. Meeting the important ones is what counts!
Ocean- Awew..thanks so much! Great to hear.
Unbreak- well, welcome back! I have been bad with reading blogs lately.. I feel I have no time. Crazy how busy an unemployed person can stay, huh? Have to get on to see your pics!
Yes, I have wondered if that guy was around while I wasn't realizing the type of guy I really needed...but nah, I don't really think I overlooked him. At least I hope not. Thanks! I will stick too it and I think you're right with the bright colors. :)
DSS- thanks! Yes-- exactly!! Having the mental checklist will keep us on track.
Tanner - you are simply THE best. What do I owe you for this? I tried to e-mail you from your blog but could not get contact info. THANK YOU! A change was needed and I'm not "technical" enough to have figured it out!
Frannie- I hear that so often. I sort of stopped looking.. It was so ridiculous how awful the dates were when I tried and I've left it to fate. I always felt fate would bring someone my way some day! So we shall see.. I loved what you had to say. Hope so. Thanks!
Blue- hahaha! And yes- someone you can be yourself with and have fun is sooo important.
Ali- Right! There have to be in LA..as well as NYC. I couldn't find your list on your blog but have to look again. Let's see how our dates change now with our lists. Thanks!
Magic-- Aww...thanks so much, as always. I hope so!
Simple- thank you! Yes, at the least it will weed out the jerks!
Pat- thanks to you, I did! Well, I don't really mind if the guy doesn't like cats. ;)
You guys are all THE best. Gracias!
Almost there!
thetannerpowell [at] gmail dot com
It's a good one.
Definitely better than your last one girl.
And keep hoping and don't lose that hope. Cause sometimes that is just all you have and bein a hopeless romantic like you, i never give up hoping for better things to come.
Good luck on finding your 'perfect' guy.
{and I agree on many of them btw.}
Ksb - Thanks. It is better!
I promise not to ever lose the hope because you are right, as hopeless romantics that is really all we have at time. It's a good one.
Good luck on finding your 'perfect' guy.
{and I agree on many of them btw.}
New to your blog....KEEP THE HOPE ALIVE!
Good list :)
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